For a long time, I have liked Johnny Cash’s music. “A Boy Named Sue” has been a particular favorite.

I liked it because it talked of a boy that was maladjusted and who overcame his hardship by having “his fists get hard and wits get keen.” He was no victim of bullies, that’s for sure.

The end result in the song is that the singer and his father come to a mutual understanding about the past and have a different relationship moving forward.

But the end of the song has always perplexed me. How could the results of a lifetime of trauma be wiped away in such a short period of time? But alas, it is a 3 minute song and not a tutorial on healing from trauma.

Fast forward to a few months ago.

I’ve been reading a book by Henry Cloud called Changes That Heal. From this book, I gained an insight into the Johnny Cash song referenced above.

In that book, Dr. Cloud speaks about what he calls “one-down relationships.” Rather than a lengthy explanation of what this means (you can click on the link above and purchase the book to better understand the concept), I will give you a short version.

My understanding of the concept is that some of us function in life as though we are inferior to others and need to earn their acceptance and approval to fell like we are ok.

The cure for this is to begin to function as an adult that does not need anyone’s validation or permission.

I am sad that I am in my mid 60’s and I am just now learning about this. The fact that I hadn’t learned this has caused confusion at best and emotional harm at worst in my relationships.

I now realize that this has been one of the generational sins in my family of origin. The system in which I grew up worked very hard at maintaining one-down relationships so that some members of my family could maintain their power and control over others. Nothing more about my familial relationships needs to be written in this post; I am still working through my family of origin issues.

But as I was walking this morning and thinking about “A Boy Named Sue,” I realized that there is a very healthy aspect to how the song ends. In the end, Sue ends up moving from a one-down relationship with his father to a peer-to-peer relationship. This is a healthy transition.

I like the song even more now, as it validates a lesson that I am learning and need to fully apply in my life. I need to move into a peer-to-peer relationship with all other adults, including my parents.

I am not to be in any one-down relationships with other humans, period.

My only motivation in sharing this is that I suspect that many others struggle with this same issue. Christ died so that we might have freedom from the things that bind us in unhealthy patterns. You and I have the freedom (and the responsibility) to become adults and function in peer-to-peer relationships.

But I am reminded that Paul gives us a caution in how we experience and express our freedom. With this verse I will end this post.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.”

Galatians 5:13–15, ESV

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For those in the church that feel that Christians are being marginalized by our culture, I offer the following prayer that I read in Psalm 80 this morning:

“Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel, you who lead Joseph like a flock. You who are enthroned upon the cherubim, shine forth. Before Ephraim and Benjamin and Manasseh, stir up your might and come to save us! Restore us, O God; let your face shine, that we may be saved! O Lord God of hosts, how long will you be angry with your people’s prayers? You have fed them with the bread of tears and given them tears to drink in full measure. You make us an object of contention for our neighbors, and our enemies laugh among themselves. Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved!”

Psalm 80:1–7, ESV

Jesus told Peter (and us) that He will build his church and the gates of hell will not prevail over it. Yet sometimes, in America, it feels like the reverse is true. The church appears to be in decline and some very vocal antagonists triumphantly announce the irrelevance of faith in Jesus Christ.

Yet, those of us who believe in Jesus’ promise to build his church can pray that God will restore us individually and as local congregations so that we accurately present the claims of Christ and live out the faith that we claim to have.

Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine so that we may be used by you to build your church and storm the gates of hell.

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There are situations in life where circumstances are both painful and beyond our control. One way of surviving during those times is to refuse to engage with the circumstance which is like digging an emotional foxhole. One tries to keep his head down to keep it from getting blown off.

I’ve been in difficult circumstances in which I’ve used the foxhole strategy to avoid conflict. The problem is that the foxhole is only meant for short-term occupation. One can’t stay in the foxhole forever.

In thinking about some of my own circumstances where I’ve tried to keep my head low, the story of Gideon came to mind. His story can be found in the Bible beginning in Judges 6:11.

The story opens with Gideon hiding in a winepress so that he does not attract the attention of the Midian overlords. He does not want his enemy to know that he is processing wheat. He is hiding because it seemed to him to be the only way he could survive.

Based on the beginning of the story, Gideon would not be anyone’s first choice as the person most likely to lead Israel to a victory over Midian. But it is interesting to note that the Angel of the Lord appears to Gideon and calls him a “man of valor (ESV).” This is ironic given the fact that the man of valor is hiding in fear when he is addressed by this title.

When I look at the pressure the church is facing both from within and without, I feel like Gideon in the winepress.

When I look at the dysfunction from previous generations that I unwittingly propagate in my generation, I feel like Gideon in the winepress.

When I see the culture around me crumbling into acrimony and anarchy, I feel like Gideon in the winepress.

Like Gideon I feel like I am in the winepress because I feel helpless to affect change in these circumstances.

But by God’s grace and as a result of His calling, Gideon didn’t stay in the winepress. He stepped out in obedience and in the end, Gideon was used by God to affect change in his circumstances and for the nation as a whole. Gideon took a risk. Gideon stepped out in faith. Gideon chose to rely on God.

The question for me is whether I am willing to rely on God and take a risk if God calls me to do something. Am I willing to be misunderstood? Am I willing to be reviled by those who don’t agree with me?

Am I willing to step out in faith and challenge the Midianites in my life? Are you?

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I have heard it said that people can be divided into three groups:

1. Those who are in a trial
2. Those who have come out of a trial
3. Those who are going into a trial

As I write this, I am dealing with some stuff that puts me in category 1.

I am working through some hard stuff in my family. For a number of reasons, I chose not to go into detail about the nature of the trials. But suffice it to say that they are difficult enough to strip away any illusion that I have any control over my circumstances.

But in the midst of this, I read what King David wrote in Psalm 55:

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never allow the righteous to be shaken.”

Psalm 55:22, CSB

If I cast the burden on God he promises to sustain me. The bottom line is that either this promise is true or it is not. I can choose to believe it or I can chose to disbelieve.

I have chosen to believe and thus far, God has sustained me. Somehow, I have not been overwhelmed by the difficulties.

Ah, but you might wonder if I have truly connected with the reality of the circumstances I am encountering. Perhaps I am simply in denial. Perhaps I don’t understand the gravity of the problems.

Maybe, but then I read that David took on lions and bears in protecting his sheep. Did he not understand the danger that such beasts present?

I’m sure David understood the gravity of his situation, but he also understood that God was with him and he never doubted the outcome.

I’m sure that as things unfold, there are emotions still to be felt and tears yet to be shed. But I can say that so far, I feel as though no matter what happens, I will be OK.

As Job said,

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will leave this life. The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job 1:21, CSB

Paul shares his perspective in Philippians 4:

“ I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I find myself. I know how to make do with little, and I know how to make do with a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. I am able to do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:11–13, CSB

From a temporal perspective, the worst is yet to come. I know that and it does scare me. I’m also aware that when things get harder, I will have to wrestle with feelings of self pity and abandonment.

But from an eternal perspective, I know that God has not stopped being God, nor has anything that has happened to me or around me has escaped his notice or control.

I must rest in that.

If you are encouraged by this post or would like to make a comment, please use the comment form below to offer your feedback. If you are reading this in an email and would like to comment, you can reply to the email or click on the “Read in browser” link below to go to the web page where you can enter a comment. I enjoy hearing from you.