I think that everyone who has made it through middle school has faced some form of rejection. The feelings of not fitting in and the constant pressure to conform to some undefined standard are difficult to navigate, especially if one does not have an adult to walk beside him to assure him that those feelings are normal, and will pass.

As adults, we can look back with the understanding that the rejection and put-downs came from other middle schoolers who were just as confused and scared as we were. But in the moment, it was hard to realize that those cool kids really didn’t have life figured out.

So in that moment, the taunts and put-downs hurt a lot and were very confusing. As one of the consequences of living in a fallen world, Middle School is just something that we have to endure.

Fast forward to adulthood. There are times when we find rejection in places where we should never find it. I’m thinking of our biological families and our churches. Neither of these institutions should be a place where we are ostracised or treated badly, but sadly, some families and some churches are not loving environments and the result is hurt and confusion.

Because those two institutions should be environments where hurt and rejection should be minimal or nonexistent, when it happens, it seems to make the pain more intense. People spend years working through the hurts caused by irresponsible parents and church leaders. I know for a fact that those hurts run deep.

That’s the bad news.

For the believer in Jesus, here is the good news.

Jesus knows what it is like to be rejected by those who should have welcomed him. The Apostle John writes:

“He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”

John 1:11–13, ESV

Jesus was rejected by the very people who should have recognized him as their Messiah, King, and Savior. He felt that same sense of being an outcast, he understands what it is like to be on the outside looking in. He is a Savior that understands what it is like to be us. He understands what it takes to work through the rejection without becoming bitter or numb.

So, we can bring those hurts to Jesus in prayer and release those who perpetrated the hurt into Jesus’ hands. Those who were in authority will have to answer to Jesus for their failure to protect those who were given into their care.

I have learned that I can trust that Jesus is big enough to take care of the hurt and deal with those who caused it.

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What would the world look like if we took James seriously and worked hard at putting this command into practice?

“My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.”

James 1:19–20, CSB

There is a lot broken in the world and the things that go on can trigger anger. Some of the anger is selfish and rooted in not getting what we want when we want it. This type of anger is addressed by James later in his letter when he wrote this:

“What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

James 4:1–3, CSB

So clearly, selfish anger is wrong and should be checked before it causes more damage.

All of us would benefit by refraining from blurting out the hurtful comment as a means of venting anger. All of us would benefit if that critically attacking comment/Tweet/post would be erased and not sent.

The world would be a safer, better place if we took a collective breath and considered what we say and how we say it before the words escape our lips, or get pressed into existence on our keyboards.

But what about when the anger is justified? What about when there truly is wrong and injustice?

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on your point of view, hatred and rage are still not options for a Christian. Jesus himself told us this:

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,”

Matthew 5:44, CSB

Jesus goes on to say that God doesn’t treat people that way, he allows good things to happen to those who are in rebellion to himself. We must do the same.

What then do we do with the anger that truly does come in response to injustice? The Apostle Paul gives us a clue in the book of Ephesians.

“Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, and don’t give the devil an opportunity.”

Ephesians 4:26–27, CSB

How do we experience anger without falling into sin? The only solution that I have found in my own life is to bring that anger to God in prayer. The Psalms are full of expressions of anger and frustration. By praying for those who curse us, by placing those who hurt us in God’s hands and allowing Him to deal with them, we can move from anger back to peace and joy.

But on the other hand, Paul tells us that when we give full vent to our anger, when we say things that are better left unsaid, when we intentionally hurt others with our words and actions, then we are giving the devil an opportunity to create havoc and disruption in ourselves and the people we hurt by our words and actions.

When we, who identify as Christians. vent our anger and hurt others, we are misrepresenting the one we claim to worship since He commanded us against it. This is a clear violation of the Second of the Ten Commandments.

If you are encouraged by this post or would like to make a comment, please use the comment form below to offer your feedback. If you are reading this in an email and would like to comment, you can reply to the email or click on the “Read in browser” link below to go to the web page where you can enter a comment. I enjoy hearing from you.

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”

Romans 5:1–2, ESV

I have often come back to Romans 5:1 as a promise to be treasured. Because of our faith in Jesus, we can experience peace with God. So much could be written about this verse.

But look at the next verse, in it Paul tells us that because of our relationship with Jesus, we have access to “this grace in which we stand.” It is not hard to figure out that Paul expects Christians to stand in grace.

But grace is a hard concept for many of us. Or, at least, this is the conclusion I draw both from self-examination and observation of how others live.

What does it mean to stand in grace?

At a minimum, it must mean that we understand something about the relationship we have with God if we are in Jesus Christ. We understand that our standing with God is based on grace and not based on what we do or who we are.

But I’m finding that to stand in grace requires much more than just a proper understanding of the important Biblical doctrine of Grace Alone. I need to let my heart absorb what my head thinks it understands.

To stand in grace requires me to let go of the perfectionism that I have acquired through some combination of nature and nurture. To stand in grace requires me to allow myself and others to fail and make mistakes and respond in acceptance and love. To stand in grace requires me to take a deep breath and stop striving to prove that I’m worthy of relationship with others, especially in relation to God.

The analogy of an umbrella comes to mind. If I stand under the grace umbrella, the acid rain of condemnation and criticism does not burn me. I stand protected by the grace of Jesus Christ.

I don’t have to do anything other than stand under the umbrella.

Just stand.

No movement is required.

“Speak and act as those who are to be judged by the law of freedom. For judment is without mercy to the one who has not shown mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.”

James 2:13-13 (CSB)

The last line in these two verses really struck me. “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” This has not always been my experience in dealing with other Christians.

First, I have to admit that I can be like the Pharisee loudly proclaiming in the Temple how much better he is than the tax collector next to him (see Luke 18:9-14). While I may not say it out loud, there are times when I feel way more judgemental than merciful to the people around me. The irony in Jesus’ parable is that while reading the Pharisee’s declaration “Thank God I’m not like this tax collector” I can think, “Thank God I’m not like that Pharisee.”

Every day I need to seek God to do a new work in my heart to make me ready to be an agent of mercy and grace; it does not come naturally to me. And in my experience, it does not appear to come naturally to others.

I have been the victim of church situations where a person or group has taken a hard line on things in which Scripture is not clear. The stand can be on really silly things; the controversy over long hair on men in the ’60s and ’70s comes to mind.

The hard stand can be on minor points of doctrine that bring more division than comfort. I’m thinking now of a denomination with which I was involved that has a very narrow view of end times events based on a particular understanding of a few verses in the Bible. This belief became the test of orthodoxy among that group and anyone who didn’t have the “correct” understanding was looked at as suspect. Their sense of superiority was rooted in how smart they were to figure out all the clues like spiritual Hercule Poirots.

Never mind that Scripture is not clear on these things. Never mind that good, solid, Bible scholars have had other interpretations. Never mind that Jesus himself gave us hints about what the end would look like but then told us that no man knows when He is returning and we shouldn’t spend a lot of time worrying about it.

My whole point in this is that every believer needs to submit his inner Pharisee to the scrutiny and guidance of the Holy Spirit and daily ask for the grace to offer mercy instead of judgment to the people around us. Even now, I have to struggle with feeling superior to those in that denomination who got stuck on basing their identity on such a silly thing as understanding the end times.

We all fail to live up to the standard we have set for ourselves. We are all inconsistent in having our actions match what we claim to believe.

We need to offer grace and mercy to ourselves and to others.

We are forgiven by God and need to readily forgive those around us.