When Joseph and his brothers returned to Egypt from burying their father in Canaan, this interaction took place:

“When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “It may be that Joseph will hate us and pay us back for all the evil that we did to him.” So they sent a message to Joseph, saying, “Your father gave this command before he died: ‘Say to Joseph, “Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they did evil to you.” ’ And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father.” Joseph wept when they spoke to him. His brothers also came and fell down before him and said, “Behold, we are your servants.” But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.” (Emphasis Added)

Genesis 50:15–21, ESV

Why did Joseph weep at this point in the story?

Joseph certainly had a lot of things to weep about in his life. Genesis records his traumatic past in great detail. He was mistreated by his brothers and sold as a slave. He was also falsely accused by his employer’s wife and put in prison for a crime he didn’t commit. He was subjected to multiple years of harsh treatment before he came into more comfortable circumstances.

But I don’t think that these are the reasons for his weeping in this instance.

It seems to me that in this context, Joseph is weeping because his brother still don’t understand him, even after he has shown them grace and mercy since their reunification. They still think that Joseph wants revenge.

As I consider this, I am reminded of our Savior lamenting over Jerusalem as recorded in Matthew 23 and Luke 13. Jesus, like Joseph, is saddened by being misunderstood by people that should have known better. Both Jesus and Joseph wanted the best for those who misunderstood and mistreated them.

What do we do with this? How does this apply?

Who among us can say that he/she has never been misunderstood? Who among us has not had his/her motivation questioned, even when it has been for the benefit of others? This story reminds us that we are in good company and God sees, understands, and can bring comfort to us when this happens.

This story also encourages me to do the right thing even when it will be misunderstood. Again I point to the example of Jesus. Jesus lived a perfect life for the benefit of others and was still criticized and condemned.

Alas, one of the hardest lessons I’ve learned in life is that I cannot please everyone. Someone will always take issue with the choices I make so I need to allow God to inform and guide those choices.

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Last month, as I was sitting on the balcony of a cruise ship, a large cloud passed between the ship and the sun, causing me to wish for the cloud to pass and the warmth to return. It was chilly and much less comfortable when the cloud kept the direct sun from shining on me.

I thought this event to be a fitting metaphor for life.

When the clouds come, we know that they have not extinguished the sun, they have merely obscured it to the point where it is hard to distinguish exactly where it is. In the same way, the trials of life (we all have them) cannot extinguish God’s love and faithfulness. The trials merely make it more difficult to perceive God’s love and faithfulness.

As I sat on that balcony, I could see that in a few moments the clouds would pass and blue sky and sunshine would return. As with the clouds which hide the sun for relatively short periods of time and then dissipate, the trials of life are not permanent and will likewise dissipate.

It can be difficult to perceive that God loves me when circumstances appear to be evidence to the contrary.

When this is the case, I need to remind myself that I have not yet experienced a morning when the sun did not rise. By reminding myself of the faithfulness of the sunrise, I can also be reminded that I have not yet experienced a morning when I have not been loved by God.

The clouds, and the trials, do not last forever and the light of God’s love shines through.

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For a long time, I have liked Johnny Cash’s music. “A Boy Named Sue” has been a particular favorite.

I liked it because it talked of a boy that was maladjusted and who overcame his hardship by having “his fists get hard and wits get keen.” He was no victim of bullies, that’s for sure.

The end result in the song is that the singer and his father come to a mutual understanding about the past and have a different relationship moving forward.

But the end of the song has always perplexed me. How could the results of a lifetime of trauma be wiped away in such a short period of time? But alas, it is a 3 minute song and not a tutorial on healing from trauma.

Fast forward to a few months ago.

I’ve been reading a book by Henry Cloud called Changes That Heal. From this book, I gained an insight into the Johnny Cash song referenced above.

In that book, Dr. Cloud speaks about what he calls “one-down relationships.” Rather than a lengthy explanation of what this means (you can click on the link above and purchase the book to better understand the concept), I will give you a short version.

My understanding of the concept is that some of us function in life as though we are inferior to others and need to earn their acceptance and approval to fell like we are ok.

The cure for this is to begin to function as an adult that does not need anyone’s validation or permission.

I am sad that I am in my mid 60’s and I am just now learning about this. The fact that I hadn’t learned this has caused confusion at best and emotional harm at worst in my relationships.

I now realize that this has been one of the generational sins in my family of origin. The system in which I grew up worked very hard at maintaining one-down relationships so that some members of my family could maintain their power and control over others. Nothing more about my familial relationships needs to be written in this post; I am still working through my family of origin issues.

But as I was walking this morning and thinking about “A Boy Named Sue,” I realized that there is a very healthy aspect to how the song ends. In the end, Sue ends up moving from a one-down relationship with his father to a peer-to-peer relationship. This is a healthy transition.

I like the song even more now, as it validates a lesson that I am learning and need to fully apply in my life. I need to move into a peer-to-peer relationship with all other adults, including my parents.

I am not to be in any one-down relationships with other humans, period.

My only motivation in sharing this is that I suspect that many others struggle with this same issue. Christ died so that we might have freedom from the things that bind us in unhealthy patterns. You and I have the freedom (and the responsibility) to become adults and function in peer-to-peer relationships.

But I am reminded that Paul gives us a caution in how we experience and express our freedom. With this verse I will end this post.

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you bite and devour one another, watch out that you are not consumed by one another.”

Galatians 5:13–15, ESV

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For those in the church that feel that Christians are being marginalized by our culture, I offer the following prayer that I read in Psalm 80 this morning:

“Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel, you who lead Joseph like a flock. You who are enthroned upon the cherubim, shine forth. Before Ephraim and Benjamin and Manasseh, stir up your might and come to save us! Restore us, O God; let your face shine, that we may be saved! O Lord God of hosts, how long will you be angry with your people’s prayers? You have fed them with the bread of tears and given them tears to drink in full measure. You make us an object of contention for our neighbors, and our enemies laugh among themselves. Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved!”

Psalm 80:1–7, ESV

Jesus told Peter (and us) that He will build his church and the gates of hell will not prevail over it. Yet sometimes, in America, it feels like the reverse is true. The church appears to be in decline and some very vocal antagonists triumphantly announce the irrelevance of faith in Jesus Christ.

Yet, those of us who believe in Jesus’ promise to build his church can pray that God will restore us individually and as local congregations so that we accurately present the claims of Christ and live out the faith that we claim to have.

Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine so that we may be used by you to build your church and storm the gates of hell.

If you are encouraged by this post or would like to make a comment, please use the comment form below to offer your feedback. If you are reading this in an email and would like to comment, you can reply to the email or click on the “Read in browser” link below to go to the web page where you can enter a comment. I enjoy hearing from you.