“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:18–19, NASB 95)

Admittedly, I am a slow learner about some things. It has been a long process for me to see how fear has often made my life more difficult. By responding out of fear, I have often said or did the wrong thing.

The difficulty for me comes in determining what is healthy fear (or respect) and when I have crossed over into unhealthy fear, fear that is the opposite of love.

Certainly it is right to be afraid of things or situations that are truly dangerous. Gravity remains in place, fire still burns, and Houston, Texas is still a haven for thieves. Therefore, we need to be careful on ladders, take adequate precaution when dealing with fire, and never leave your backpack in your car when you eat lunch in Houston (I know this from personal experience).

Also, there is nothing wrong about planning and preparation in the event that some unplanned situation will arise. Saving money for retirement, having medical insurance, and striving to be debt free, fall into this category. Scripture encourages us that wisdom requires us to act on evaluations of this sort.

“Go to the ant, O sluggard, Observe her ways and be wise,” (Proverbs 6:6, NASB 95)

But there are other situations where I have little or no control where fear is not wise or helpful. For example, we have little control over the officials in our government. In the USA, we can vote, we can contact our officials, we can protest decisions that are made, but beyond that there is nothing we can do. So, living in constant fear of what will be decided cannot affect the situation and only makes me nervous and unhappy.

I have also found that fear can have a detrimental effect on relationships. If I am in constant fear of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing, I cannot be a good partner in a relationship. While attempting to keep a loved one from making a bad decision, if I am responding out of fear, it is likely that my advice will not be helpful and it will damage the relationship.

John, in the verse quoted at the beginning of this post, tells us that the antidote to unhealthy and unwise fear is love. Not only is it love, it is perfect love, which is only found in my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

There is much more to write about this than can be contained in one blog post, but I am slowly learning that because I am loved by God I can rest in his promises to me as an individual, and to Christians as a group. Therefore I don’t need to worry about how things will turn out. I don’t need to fear the outcome of any particular relationship or problem.

I am slowly learning to trust that God will ultimately fix what is wrong and he will complete what he has begun (see Phil 1:6).

Learning to trust God gives me confidence, not because I am in control or smart enough to prevent disaster, but because God is. Learning to trust in God’s love has put me in a better position to respond to others out of love and not fear. When I respond out of love, I am a better husband, father, employee, church leader, etc.

The verse that comes to mind is Psalm 46:10 (NASB 95):

“Cease striving and know that I am God . . .”