Speed dialing with no signal – Dealing with frustration in prayer

Posted on March 25, 2012 Written by Mark McIntyre 1 Comment

Recently, the lyric “speed dialing with no signal” from a U2 song caught my ear. It grabbed my attention because it described my recent experience in prayer.

I take some comfort in the fact that many saints before me have had similar experience. In the Psalms, we find David and the other Psalmists asking God the question “how long?” at least twelve times (Ps. 4:2, Ps. 6:3, Ps. 13:1-2, Ps. 35:17, Ps. 62:3, Ps. 74:10, Ps. 79:5, Ps. 80:4, Ps. 82:2, Ps. 89:46, Ps. 90:13, Ps. 94:3). The “how long” question is an indication of frustration and impatience.

So I am not alone in my frustration in prayer. I am not the only one who has ever felt that his prayers were bouncing off the ceiling. Knowing that this is a shared experiece brings some comfort, but what is the solution?

As I consider this, three things come to mind as remedies to frustration in prayer:

I need to remember the character of God as revealed in Jesus.
I need to remember that Jesus teaches me to be persistent in prayer
I need to remember the two great commands

The Character of God

In John 14:9, Jesus indicates that those who have seen Jesus have seen the father. Jesus reveals to us the character of God. In Jesus, we see a God that is patient, forgiving, gentle and loving. I seen in Jesus a God who wants to grant my prayers, and if he does not grant them, there is good reason for the denial.

Persistence in Prayer

In Luke 18:1, Luke introduces a parable as one that teaches us to “pray and not lose heart.” In the parable, Jesus is giving us permission to be persistent in prayer. We are to continue to come to God with our needs and requests. There is no downside to sticking to it. I cannot over-pray.

The Two Great Commands

In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus gives us that the two great commands. The first is to love God with our entire being. The second is to love our neighbor as ourselves. I need to focus first on God and then on my neighbor. My conclusion is that I am not to focus primarily on myself.

My “speed dialing with no signal” experience has been primarily caused by lack of attention to this third focus. When I get focused on what I want, I can get rather petulant when it is not provided. I may hide my petulance or I may even spiritualize it, but it remains a behavior that God will not tolerate or reward.

In Matthew 6:33, I am told to seek God’s kingdom before all (that first great command again) and everything else will be taken care of. My job is to get my priorities straight and keep them straight.

One flesh and inseparable – does your church view marriage this way?

Posted on March 18, 2012 Written by Mark McIntyre 1 Comment

It was not by accident that the first recorded miracle of Jesus happened at a wedding. Jesus was at the first wedding recorded in the opening chapters of Genesis and he chose to be at the wedding in Cana of John 2. Weddings are important to God because marriage is important to him. In Scripture, marriage is an oft repeated picture God uses to illustrate His relationship with his people. God takes marriage very seriously.

There is a danger in American churches that we are inadvertently contributing to marital strife through busyness and the emphasis upon service to the congregation. In some cases one spouse in a marriage is so busy at church that the other spouse can feel neglected. The church should never be the agent of separation in a marriage, yet sometimes this is the case.

When the divorce rate in the church approaches that of the society at large, we must conclude that something is wrong with the way we are presenting or living out the Gospel. When our marriages are not noticeably different than those of the non-believers around us, then a little bit of self assessment is in order.

As church leaders, we should be doing everything possible to make sure that we are supporting marriages and not doing anything to strain them. We should not be giving responsibilities to people that put stress on marriage and family life. Since God takes marriage seriously, church leaders will be called to give an account of how they supported the marriages in their care. While we may not be able to prevent divorce in our congregations, we certainly should not be adding stress which contributes to it.

Can we take the time to reassess all the activities in the church to be sure that they are necessary? Can we reassess each program and ministry to see if it is achieving the desired result? Can we be bold enough to stop doing the stuff that really doesn’t need to be done? Can we make sure that what is getting done is not taking a toll on marriages and family?

Here are some questions that should be asked when church activities are straining a marriage:

Who are you serving? Jesus said that a marriage was put together by God (Matthew 19:6). Are you really serving God if your ministry causes division in your marriage?
Who are you avoiding? Are you using ministry to avoid relationship with your spouse? Workaholism in the church is no better than workaholism in the business world.
Who are you helping? By creating tension in your marriage, who are you really helping? Can you really be used by God to minister to others when you are neglecting your spouse?

We can’t ignore signs of difficulty because the stuff that is getting done makes our lives easier. When ministry is having a negative impact on marriage, the leaders must take action. To do anything less is negligence.

Grumbling, grace and edification

Posted on March 16, 2012 Written by Mark McIntyre 4 Comments

It is easy to get frustrated with how things are. This seems especially true when it comes to churches. Each member has some idea of what the ideal church looks like and ultimately every church falls short of that ideal.

If we are not careful, that frustration can grow into grumbling about the leadership. This in turn can result in assigning wrong motives to the decisions the leaders make.

Recently I found two verses in our devotions which speak to this issue. They are:

Proverbs 25:8 (NASB95) — Do not go out hastily to argue your case; Otherwise, what will you do in the end, When your neighbor humiliates you?

Ephesians 4:29 (NASB95) — Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

The verse in proverbs tells me that I should not be quick to jump to a conclusion about why things are the way they are. I know from experience of being in leadership, often times things are different than the leader would like them to be. Just because a leader is in place does not mean that he has control over every aspect of the system he leads. Any time there are people involved, there will be some level of chaos; my job is to not add to the chaos.

I cannot know all the circumstances and when I assume that I do know I am probably wrong. Therefore if I move to quickly to accuse, it may come back upon my head because I misunderstood or did not know the circumstances. Perhaps the leader did the best in a bad situation. Perhaps he was forced to choose the lesser of two evils. We cannot judge until the facts are known.

Even if I come to a conclusion about the situation, Paul tells me in Ephesians 4:29 that I need to be careful in what I say. Everything that is said must be good for edification. In other words, what I say must build up and not tear down. There is no exception clause here. He doesn’t say “let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth unless you are angry.” Paul doesn’t tell us to say whatever is on your mind even if you will have to later apologize for being unkind. He tells us that in all circumstances, angry or not, our speech must build up. Period, no exceptions.

So, before you fire off that email, or call your friend or have roast pastor for Sunday dinner, take a deep breath. Take the time to reflect upon the situation. Are you frustrated because something is pushing your buttons? Are you frustrated because you have unrealistic expectations of the leaders? Take the time to evaluate the source of the frustration.

Then, if your frustration is legitimate, take the time to figure out how to address it constructively and gracefully. It is hard to be angry and full of grace at the same time. Jesus could pull this combination off, I have learned that I cannot.

In most cases, your church leaders take their calling very seriously and criticism hurts them, especially when it is undeserved. If you are going to err, err on the side of grace. Your leaders will appreciate you for it since they are probably already aware of their shortcomings.

Getting caught in the blame game – Part 2

Posted on March 9, 2012 Written by Mark McIntyre 1 Comment

This is a continuation of Getting caught in the blame game – Part 1

The fact that we are inclined to blame others is an indication of the guilt (sometime legitimate, sometimes illegitimate) or disappointment that seems to be the universal condition.

The Judeo-Christian world view does provide an answer to the question of why humans have a sense of why life should be different than it is. The Bible also provides the answer as to why we feel the need to blame others when things don’t turn out the way we like.

If you go to the Bible, you will find the answer in Genesis Chapter 3, where the first rebellion against God is recorded. If you read this chapter, please note how Adam and Eve responded when confronted with their sin.

Our first forebears tried to blame others for their behavior. Adam blamed Eve; Eve blamed the serpent. When Adam reminded God that Eve was a gift, Adam was essentially blaming God also. We have been blaming others ever since this first sin. We struggle to face up to our own failings and then look to blame others for the mess we find ourselves in.

The problem with blaming is that the person who blames others does not understand that many of his wounds are self inflicted. It is not until we stop blaming others that we begin to see that we cause many of our own problems. I understand that the human psyche is complex and that there is difficulty in understanding what prompts us to blame. We do irrational things when we act out of our woundedness. Yet, we must face up to our own failings.

I’m not saying that any of this is easy. Our desire to blame others is inherent to our humanity. Yet growth requires that we face this tendency and work toward healing.

Not only does the Bible provide a diagnosis of the problem, it also provides the solution to the problem of blaming others. Scripture indicates that the antidote to guilt is righteousness. Furthermore, the Bible tells us that this righteousness is not something that we can generate on our own. The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 1:16-17:

16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. 17 For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, “But the righteous man shall live by faith.”

Paul tells us that the gospel is the good news of how to be relieved of the guilt associated with our failures. The gospel contains the power to bring that righteousness to those who believe it.

Later in the book of Romans Paul pens the freeing words, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). In the absence of condemnation, we should have the confidence to get our guilt out in the open and get it dealt with. We know we will be forgiven, so why do we hang on to the guilt? Why do we continue to blame?