Confessions of a man-pleaser (idol worhipper)

August 8, 2014 Commentary Mark McIntyre 1 Comment

I could blame it on the church of my youth. We Evangelicals are often big on external conformity and not-so-big on dealing with the heart.

I could blame it on personality. One of the curses of being sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people is that it is easy to become overly concerned about how they are responding to you.

Or, I could just face the fact that I am an idolater at heart and have made an idol out of the approval of others.

While there is some truth in the first two excuses, ultimately they are just excuses. It is possible to grow up in legalistic Evangelicalism without becoming a people pleaser. It is also possible to be sensitive to others without making their approval an idol.

Now, I’m certainly not saying that it is wrong to be sensitive to what others are thinking. Someone who takes no feedback from the people around them is by definition a sociopath. If you have ever known a sociopath, it is not pretty.

But the point is that the feedback from others has to be subjugated to a proper understanding of who God has made and called me to be. It is his voice that needs to be preeminent, not the voices of the people around me.

I find it easy to make this distinction intellectually. I find it rather difficult to put it into practice. The transition from people-pleaser to God-pleaser has not been an easy or a short one for me. In fact, comparing my progress to a drive from New York to San Francisco on I-80, I feel like I am somewhere around Stroudsburg, PA. Even now, while I am writing this blog post, I am overly concerned about what people might say about it.

The good news is that I am in a church that consistently points me to the Gospel and how the Gospel speaks into every aspect of my being, including man-pleasing. I am an idolater, but a forgiven one who has power available to him to be something better. This is the first church that I have ever attended that was successful in breaking through to me with this message.

I think that at least one other church tried to do so but I was not prepared to receive it at that time. Too many of the churches I have attended were content to give me a list of rules which did not challenge my man-pleasing but instead reinforced it. We Evangelicals are oh so good at rule keeping which dulls us to the real condition of our hearts.

So, while I value your opinion, I am learning that it must not prevent me from being what God wants me to be. I must not conform where God does not want conformity. I answer to God and God alone.

Bold words perhaps, but increasingly true in my life by the grace and power of God.

About Mark McIntyre

A follower of Jesus Christ who shares observations about how Scripture should impact the church and the world. Mark is the original author and editor of Attempts at Honesty.

Actual vs Aspirational

So while what we are singing may not describe what is actually true of us in the moment, it can be an accurate description of our desire. Our voice can express what is aspirational even though it may not be wholly or even partially true in the moment.

Gasoline engines running on diesel

“From a very early age our souls are taught there is a comfort and a discomfort in the world, a good and bad if you will, a lovely and a frightening. There seemed to me to be too much frightening, and I didn’t know why it existed.”

A Qualification of Yesterday’s Post

A Tweet in reaction to yesterday’s post made it apparent that I need to provide a qualification of some of my comments.

Anticipating an Important Letter

How fast would you run to the mailbox if you knew that a personal letter from the President was waiting for you? Regardless of your political loyalties, to have such a letter would be an important occasion and you would have great anticipation as to how the letter will affect you. While many of us […]

On baskets, bread and the next generation

All the disciples were required to do was to get bread from Jesus and carry it in baskets to the people. We need to carry the gospel to our youth. We need to possess it and understand it before we can impart it to the next generation.

Not a bad epitaph

I have heard it suggested that it is a profitable exercise to write out what one wants on his tombstone and then live the rest of his life making it true. In the spirit of this suggestion, I would like to be described like Noah in Genesis 6:9. In that verse, there are three statements […]