Grace is a word that Christians frequently use, too often glibly and without proper thought. For example, I have been in several churches with Grace in their titles who offered very little of it to the people who attend.
We all want grace, but sometimes struggle to give it when it is most needed. Perhaps this is why Jesus placed such an emphasis upon forgiveness, going so far as to say that He will not forgive those who refuse to forgive others (Matthew 6:15). Offering grace must be intentional and is sometimes difficult because it goes against our natural inclination.
What is even more bothersome to me is that in some churches, selective grace is offered. Selective grace is in operation when some people receive grace and others do not. Often this is due to the background of the person who needs grace.
In a denomination that I formerly attended many of the pastors would often refer to their drug abuse in their “B.C.” days. They would use their former behavior as an illustration of God’s grace, and rightly so. They did indeed receive grace and despite their past failures God uses them in ministry.
The problem comes in when some other sins are less likely to receive grace. In some churches, those who have experienced divorce, those who struggle with same sex attraction, those with mental illness and those who might disagree on minor points of doctrine receive anything but grace. Even in that denomination with the formerly drug addled pastors, selective grace was a struggle and some people were treated in a manner inconsistent with grace.
Let’s be honest and admit that sometimes we encounter Christians who make us uncomfortable. If we do not make a conscious effort to build bridges with those who make us feel uncomfortable, then we are likely to withhold grace from them.
Some make us uncomfortable because of their background or lifestyle. It is as if we want everyone cleaned up completely after becoming a believer. The problem is that we are all in the process of being cleaned up, yet sometimes we hold others to a standard we can not meet.
I have been in churches where those who came out of a “sinful” lifestyle continued to be suspect, no matter how they progressed in their relationship with Jesus or their understanding of Scripture. Sexual sins in particular seem to put people on the suspect list. I have also known of churches where divorce was treated as if it was the unpardonable sin.
Perhaps even worse than this is to withhold grace over a difference in belief or practice. Examples of some issues over which we might withhold grace are these:
- How the gifts of the spirit are manifested
- How prophetic portions of Scripture are to be interpreted
- Whether a person is liberal or conservative in their politics
- The preference or abhorrence of liturgy in the worship service
This is not an exhaustive list, we could find many more issues over which Christians have divided.
We cannot be selective in how we demonstrate the grace of God in our lives. We need to follow the example of Jesus in the way he was gracious to everyone, including the Pharisees. Ephesians 2:8-9 is often quoted as indicating that we are saved by grace, yet the verses preceding verse 8 set the correct context.
“And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:1–9, ESV)
Apart from Christ, we were dead in our trespasses and sins. In other words, we crossed boundaries that should not be crossed and we fell short of the standard we know was in place. Yet, God gave us grace, the very grace that saves us.
How can we do anything less than offer that same grace to others? We must put an end to selective grace.
Ingrid Briles says
May 25, 2013 at 7:47 PMGreat article! During the last year and a half, I have witnessed selective grace as part of a church community or should I say faith community. My son committed a crime. He is accepting and living with the legal consequences which will impact his life for as long as he lives, while watching his church brothers walk away from him. At the same time, his wife lives in sin, and they have all welcomed her into the inner circle. As for me, I think they both need a good spanking. My son did the most important thing, and very early, repented to his Lord, and has lived every day since then at the foot of the throne of God. In the pain of losing my son in many ways, losing grandchildren as their mother won’t allow me to see them, I have come to understand what Christ did on the cross when he accepted punishment though He had committed no wrong. This was a wonderful blog, and I truly enjoyed it.
Mark McIntyre says
May 25, 2013 at 9:07 PMIngrid. I’m sorry for the disruption that has occurred in your family. I’m even more sorry that the church has not handled it well. Y’all will be in my prayers.
Dan Erickson says
May 23, 2013 at 5:34 PMGreat post, Mark. Grace is an equal-opportunity gift. As someone who has divorced due to a partner’s mental health and to protect an infant daughter, I still note that some Christians look at me with a sort of disapproval or even contempt for breaking my marriage vows. I’ve written a book about my childhood in a cult, “A Train Called Forgiveness” and a second book “At the Crossing of Justice and Mercy” that delves into topics about grace, forgiveness, mercy, and more.
Mark McIntyre says
May 24, 2013 at 11:17 AMDan,
One thing that I’ve observed is that the most gracious people I have met have often been the ones that have experienced the lack of grace and learned to overcome it. Keep the faith.
Sue says
May 22, 2013 at 9:25 PMTony, if you have not read or watched videos by Brennan Manning, you should. He’s one of my favorite alcoholics besides my mom.
Mark McIntyre says
May 24, 2013 at 11:20 AMSue, that is a name out of the past. I read Ragamuffin Gospel what seems like a long time ago. Thanks for the reminder.
Robert Tang says
May 22, 2013 at 6:57 PMI’ve always loved your insights! so well said and balanced yet refreshing.
I felt being hurt by peopel in my own church helped, it really hurts but it helped me to understand how important it is not to treat people the same way; it also showed me how insensitive I treated others in the past. Haha.
Mark McIntyre says
May 30, 2013 at 9:00 PMYes, trials do have a way of making us more sensitive. Thanks for the comment.
Katherine Appello says
May 22, 2013 at 5:34 PMWell said. Often Christians forget how to walk the walk. We can address the sin without destroying the sinner. Jesus and the apostles did.
Mark McIntyre says
May 30, 2013 at 9:03 PMYes, we forget or we respond out of our hurt rather than out of the love that God has poured into us. Easy to say, but sometimes hard to do.
Ed Williams says
May 22, 2013 at 4:48 PMThanks for that Mark. It had to be said. As a divorced and re-married Christian this struck me personally. I have experienced the things you spoke of. However, I have been selective in my grace towards those who treated me differently. This blog has reminded me once again to live by grace.
Mark McIntyre says
May 30, 2013 at 9:01 PMWhat a challenge it is to respond in grace to those who have withheld it from us. It is too easy to feel justified in returning un-grace.
Truth Mission says
May 22, 2013 at 9:24 AMGreat stuff Mark. A problem that most of us have, but few of us want to admit, let alone discuss. Keep the faith brother!
Mark McIntyre says
May 22, 2013 at 9:50 AMTruth Mission: Thanks for the kind words. Yes, we all do this to some extent. We need to be vigilant and hold each other accountable to act in grace on all occasions.
Sue says
May 22, 2013 at 6:42 AMI have found that when I offer grace to those with whom I have the most difficulty with, I am the one who receives a blessing. It’s God’s economy.
Mark McIntyre says
May 22, 2013 at 6:58 AMSue, thanks for the encouraging thought.
tony says
May 22, 2013 at 6:33 AMBut where are the broken people? Why aren’t they coming in droves? Has the anti-gospel has gotten out – sick, twisted, addicted, hurting people won’t find relief for their suffering in church? Sadly broken people have more chance of finding Jesus in jail today. Sick people go to the hospital for healing because many churches don’t preach, teach and practice this part of the gospel. Sinners are driven out of church by condemnation. Twisted people aren’t welcome because they don’t fit in with the few remaining straight laced upright holdouts.
http://walkingwithtony.blogspot.ca/2012/12/church-growth-modest-proposal.html
Mark McIntyre says
May 22, 2013 at 6:59 AMTony: There are some churches that are doing well with reaching out to hurting people. Sadly, they are perhaps fewer than the ones who peddle condemnation.