Attempts at Honesty

Reflections on the interplay of the Bible and Culture

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Abusive Churches

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Abusive ChurchIn an article called Abusive Churches, Pat Zukeran lists eight characteristics of an abusive church. A summary of the characteristics in Pat’s words (bold emphasis added by me) is below:

First, abusive churches have a control-oriented style of leadership. Second, the leaders of such churches often use manipulation to gain complete submission from their members. Third, there is a rigid, legalistic lifestyle involving numerous requirements and minute details for daily life. Fourth, these churches tend to change their names often, especially once they are exposed by the media. Fifth, denouncing other churches is common because they see themselves as superior to all other churches. Sixth, these churches have a persecution complex and view themselves as being persecuted by the world, the media, and other Christian churches. Seventh, abusive churches specifically target young adults between eighteen and twenty-five years of age. The eighth and final mark of abusive churches is the great difficulty members have in getting out of or leaving these churches, a process often marked by social, psychological, or emotional pain.

My point in sharing this is twofold:

  1. I want to encourage church leaders to examine their leadership style against this list and see if there are areas in which repentance and reconciliation should take place.
  2. I want to encourage church members / attenders to examine the church they attend in light of this list. If you find that you are in a church that is described by these characteristics, find a new church.

Compulsion and manipulation should never take place in the body of Christ. Either God is in control of a local body or the leader is. There is no shared control. The leader should always keep in mind that he is an under-shepherd who is responsible to the Master Shepherd. The pastor or elder must never lose sight of the fact that he is leading his peers; we are all equal at the foot of the Cross.

I have been in churches that had several of these characteristics but I have never been in one that had all eight. Even so, I have found that the eighth item listed above is especially true. My experience is that coming out of a church that only had a few of these was indeed a painful process.

Satan is shrewd. If he cannot get us to embrace doctrinal error, he will trip us up with spiritual pride. Those of us who are identified as leaders in the church must be constantly vigilant in watching for pride to creep in. As I see it, pride is the foundation upon which the control and manipulation described above is built.

Leaders who walk in humility and submission to Jesus Christ will not fall into the eight errors listed above.

When labels are (mis)applied in the church

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Name LabelWe like to categorize other people by applying labels to them. Liberal versus conservative, rich versus poor, informed versus ignorant, interesting versus boring, popular versus nerdy, the list of possible categories is inexhaustible. Politicians use this tendency to categorize to their benefit by trying to portray themselves in a popular category while casting their opponent as the opposite.

There is  danger in carrying this drive to categorize people into the church. In the church there are to be no such categories; we are all equal when we come to the Cross of Jesus Christ.

Yet in some churches, people are categorized and labeled. People can be labeled as troublemakers, critics, backsliders, emotionally unstable, emotionally repressed, etc. Positive labels such as leader, teacher and supporter can also be applied.

Applying labels to people becomes a problem when it prevents them from growing into their God-given ministry potential. This is especially true when the labels are applied based on erroneous or incomplete information. Stephen Covey relates the story of the boys on the subway to illustrate how easy it is to misunderstand another person’s situation and actions.

One day on the subway, while quietly reading a book, Stephen was interrupted by two wild children that got on with their father at a subway stop.

The children were out of control, jumping up and down, running loudly through the subway car.

The father seemed not to notice or care that his children were misbehaving and disturbing commuters…

Stephen approached the father and wanted to scold him for not controlling his children and teaching them respect for others…

The father agreed, and sighed sullenly, saying “yeah, I just don’t know what to do or say to them. We just came from the hospital where their mother died from a random assault….”

I have seen people who have made suggestions get labeled as troublemakers. I have seen people who identify problems get accused of being divisive. On the flip side, I have seen those who are successful in business get tagged as church leaders despite their spiritual immaturity.

Church leaders must resist the temptation to label and categorize people in their congregations. Remember Paul’s words in Galatians 3:28:

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (NASB)

Look at the Disciples that Jesus picked. Among them was a terrorist, a traitor, two brothers with anger issues, a fisherman with a tendency to say the wrong thing and a thief. The man that wrote much of the New Testament was a murderer. Jesus trusted this rag tag bunch to found his Church, people we would likely write off as being of little help.

The point is that if someone is causing a problem in the church, that problem should be addressed without labeling the person. God deals with our sin without labeling us, who are we to refuse to do this for others?

Grumbling, grace and edification

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GrumblingIt is easy to get frustrated with how things are. This seems especially true when it comes to churches. Each member has some idea of what the ideal church looks like and ultimately every church falls short of that ideal.

If we are not careful, that frustration can grow into grumbling about the leadership. This in turn can result in assigning wrong motives to the decisions the leaders make.

Recently I found two verses in our devotions which speak to this issue. They are:

Proverbs 25:8 (NASB95) — Do not go out hastily to argue your case; Otherwise, what will you do in the end, When your neighbor humiliates you?

Ephesians 4:29 (NASB95) — Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

The verse in proverbs tells me that I should not be quick to jump to a conclusion about why things are the way they are. I know from experience of being in leadership, often times things are different than the leader would like them to be. Just because a leader is in place does not mean that he has control over every aspect of the system he leads. Any time there are people involved, there will be some level of chaos; my job is to not add to the chaos.

I cannot know all the circumstances and when I assume that I do know I am probably wrong. Therefore if I move to quickly to accuse, it may come back upon my head because I misunderstood or did not know the circumstances. Perhaps the leader did the best in a bad situation. Perhaps he was forced to choose the lesser of two evils. We cannot judge until the facts are known.

Even if I come to a conclusion about the situation, Paul tells me in Ephesians 4:29 that I need to be careful in what I say. Everything that is said must be good for edification. In other words, what I say must build up and not tear down. There is no exception clause here. He doesn’t say “let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth unless you are angry.” Paul doesn’t tell us to say whatever is on your mind even if you will have to later apologize for being unkind. He tells us that in all circumstances, angry or not, our speech must build up. Period, no exceptions.

So, before you fire off that email, or call your friend or have roast pastor for Sunday dinner, take a deep breath. Take the time to reflect upon the situation. Are you frustrated because something is pushing your buttons? Are you frustrated because you have unrealistic expectations of the leaders? Take the time to evaluate the source of the frustration.

Then, if your frustration is legitimate, take the time to figure out how to address it constructively and gracefully. It is hard to be angry and full of grace at the same time. Jesus could pull this combination off, I have learned that I cannot.

In most cases, your church leaders take their calling very seriously and criticism hurts them, especially when it is undeserved. If you are going to err, err on the side of grace. Your leaders will appreciate you for it since they are probably already aware of their shortcomings.

Water, chisel or dynamite? Choosing the right tool to drive change

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Rock is a material that is resistant to change and provides a good analogy for an organization or people that need to be lead. Rock likes to stay as it is, it will not change on its own.

Having worked in the mining industry I know what impact explosives can have on rock. Explosives experts can take a large chunk of solid rock and make into very small pieces. This process is fast but the result looks nothing like what you started with. It also cannot be very fun for the rock.

Water is also effective in changing rock. If you have been in a cave or canyon, you can attest to this. Water dissolves minerals and slowly changes the shape and size of the rock. This process is agonizingly slow but the result allows the rock to retain its previous form and often enhances the beauty to the point where we make it a national or state park. This process is not directed by a leader and the result is dictated by the type of rock, quantity of water and other factors beyond the control of a leader.

The chisel falls somewhere in between water and dynamite as a means of changing rock. Under the hand of the sculptor, the chisel can take away the bits of rock that are not contributing to the desired result. The chisel is faster than water and is more selective and controlled than dynamite. Used with skill the chisel shapes the rock in accordance with the sculptor’s vision.

Leaders have to choose whether they want to use dynamite or a chisel to change their organization. Or they can allow the organization to change via natural process like water dissolving rock. All three methods are valid depending on the quantity of change needed, the urgency of the need and the current make-up of the organization.

An organization that is severely dysfunctional may need to be blown up and reassembled. An organization that is basically functioning but has some pieces that are not contributing to the desired result, may need to have some members removed. Some organizations which are functioning should be allowed to change at their own pace. It takes wisdom as a leader to know which method is appropriate.

I have seen leaders who grow impatient with the speed of change and therefore use too much force trying to drive change. Often the result is ugly. In the case of an organization that is largely made up of volunteers, the leader who uses too much force can find himself very alone. Never use dynamite when a chisel will do. Never use the chisel when the process is already taking place but is slower than you would like.

True change in people has to come from the inside. There is a big difference between true change and organizational conformity. As church leaders, we are looking for true change. This is often an agonizingly slow process, therefore patience is required.

Church leaders also have the added dimension of trusting that God is also involved in the process and he is working in the leader and those he leads to bring about his desired result. We, as church leaders, are responsible to follow God’s lead and not try to drive change faster than God is bringing it about.

It is God’s church. In the end, the church is to reflect God’s glory, not the leader’s.

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