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Grace, Truth and Difficult People

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Grace and TruthIt may not be a universal experience, but most of us are forced to interact with a difficult person in either our personal or professional life.

There are a variety of sources for the difficulty.

  • Some are difficult because they don’t perceive feedback about how they impact others. This is the person who continues the story when all the people in the room give indication of being bored or hostile. This is the guy who thinks he’s doing well in the presentation when all the attendees are checking their smart phones, chatting or sleeping.
  • Some are difficult because they are so worried about offending others that they are amorphous, it is hard to discern the real person inside them. These are so tuned in to feedback that they often overreact to it. They are hard to interact with because anything you say might prove overwhelming to them.
  • Some are difficult because they are self-absorbed; it is indeed all about them. The self-absorbed take every difficulty that arises as a personal attack. If a friend is distracted for an unrelated reason, the self-absorbed will take that as evidence of rejection. The self-absorbed will latch on to any sympathetic ear and fill it with a catalog of injustices done to him.
  • Some are difficult because they are unabashedly selfish. These are similar to the self-absorbed, but this self-absorption is intentional. These will do whatever they think they can get away with to get what they want.

I’m sure there are other categories of difficult people but these four come immediately to mind.

Jesus tells in Matthew 5:44 that we are to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. John 13:35 tells us that love is to be the mark that identifies us as Christians. In Ephesians 4:15, Paul tells us we are to speak the truth in love.

Nowhere in my Bible does it give me any indication that this is easy to do, nor does it give any indication that love is optional. I am called to love difficult people, people who often do not want, or struggle to receive that love.

How do we go about this then? I think that the evangelist gives us a clue when he describes Jesus as “full of grace and truth” in John 1:14. In his dealings with mankind, the difficult and the loving, Jesus was both gracious and truthful. He always told the truth but the truth was softened with grace and acceptance.

Jesus’ ability to do this is directly attributable to his being God. His divinity and sinlessness gave him the power to maintain this balance perfectly. I, on the other hand, do this imperfectly at best and often do not maintain the balance at all.

In our imperfection and based on our personality, we will tend to err on one side or the other. Some of you are more likely to err or the side of truth. “He had it coming to him” may be your motto after imparting a dose of truth to someone who you thought desperately needed it. Others, like myself, will try to avoid the difficulty, erring on the side of grace.

Grace without truth leaves the difficult person in his difficulty with no-one to guide him out. Truth without grace often makes the truth-giver feel a little bit better but the lack of grace can impede reception of the truth.

The two combined, grace AND truth, as we see it modeled by Jesus can be used by God to positively impact the difficult person. We love best when it is done with both grace and truth.

Question 1: What other types of difficult people have you encountered?
Question 2: Do you have any stories of how the combination of grace and truth positively impacted the situation?

5 R’s for 2012 – A Lesson from the Apostle Paul

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We are 16 days into 2012. In thinking ahead to the the rest of the year, I want to choose some Bible verses as a point of emphasis. The passage that comes to mind is found in Philippians 4:4-8:

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (NASB)

Anyone who has been in church for any length of time will have been exposed to this passage; it is quite familiar to most believers. Yet there are some things that jump out at me as I read them now.

We are commanded to rejoice. This is a command which can be obeyed or refused; a choice must be made. To be obedient, I must choose to rejoice. I have been blessed with a relatively comfortable life and compared to many I have little to complain about, yet sometimes I allow those little things to inhibit my ability to rejoice.

The next verse gives the reason why I should rejoice, even when things are not going the way I would like. Paul reminds me that the Lord is near. On the basis of his nearness, I can learn to not be anxious by bringing my concerns to God in prayer. I am to bring those concerns with thanksgiving, sometimes easier said than done.

The result of this will be that the peace of God will protect my heart (emotions) and mind (thoughts). I have the responsibility to bring the things that are bothering me to God and he will exchange the anxiety for peace. This is very cool, but how does it come about?

It comes about through discipline. I must train my mind to focus on what is true, honorable, right (or just), pure, lovely and of good reputation. It is on these things that I am to ponder and focus my attention.

I am generally an upbeat and optimistic person, so much of the time it is not hard for me to do this. But there are times when it is difficult. Paul doesn’t tell us only to do this when it’s easy. He doesn’t indicate that this should be the case most of the time. He indicates that we are to focus on these things all of the time.

War, economic problems, crime, governmental policy, family issues and dealing with people and their issues can easily distract me from thinking on the things Paul lists in Philippians. Along the same lines, the author of Hebrews commands us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus (Hebrews 12:2) and not be pulled down by the bad news around me. We have a choice as to where we focus our attention and we need to choose well.

In summary, here are the bullet points from these verses with alliteration to help me remember them:

  1. Rejoice– rejoice always
  2. Remember– remember the Lord is near so don’t be anxious
  3. Request– Bring your concerns to God in prayer
  4. Rest– Let God’s peace protect my thoughts and emotions
  5. Reflect – Focus on the good things

This takes a discipline that I have yet to master. Yet by following these steps, I hope to look back on 2012 as a year of great progress in trusting God.

What is your verse or verses for the year?

Resolved – Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards

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Jonathan Edwards' ResolutionsIf you want to form some New Year’s Resolutions and can’t think of any, perhaps the following list composed by Jonathan Edwards might be of help.

“Being sensible that I am unable to do any thing with out God’s help, I do humbly entreat him, by his grace, to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.

  • Resolved, That I will do whatsoever I think to be most to the glory of God, and my own good, profit, and pleasure, in the whole of my duration; without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriads of ages hence. Resolved, to do whatever I think to be my duty, and most for the l good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved, so to do, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many soever, and how great soever.
  • Resolved, To be continually endeavoring to find out some new contrivance and invention to promote the fore-mentioned things.
  • Resolved, If ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.
  • Resolved, Never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God, nor be, nor suffer it, if I can possibly avoid it.
  • Resolved, Never to lose one moment of time, but to improve it in the most profitable way I possibly can.
  • Resolved, To live with all my might, while I do live.
  • Resolved, Never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life.
  • Resolved, To act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings, as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. Vid. July 30.
  • Resolved, To think much, on all occasions, of my dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.
  • Resolved, When I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.
  • Resolved, When I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances do not hinder.
  • Resolved, If l take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.
  • Resolved, To be endeavoring to find out fit objects of liberality and charity.
  • Resolved, Never to do any thing out of revenge.
  • Resolved, Never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings.
  • Resolved, Never to speak evil of any one, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.
  • Resolved, That I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.
  • Resolved, To live so, at all times, as I think is best in my most devout frames, and when I have the clearest notions of the things of the gospel, and another world.
  • Resolved, Never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour before I should hear the last bump.
  • Resolved, To maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.
  • Resolved, Never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.
  • Resolved, To endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness in the other world as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.
  • Resolved, Frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of Cod, and trace it back to the original intention, designs, and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God’s glory, to repute it as a breach of the fourth Resolution.
  • Resolved, Whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause and then, both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.
  • Resolved, To examine carefully and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and so direct all my forces against it.
  • Resolved, To cast away such things as I find do abate my assurance.
  • Resolved, Never wilfully to omit any thing, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.
  • Resolved, To study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly, and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive, myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.
  • Resolved, Never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession which I cannot hope god will accept.
  • Resolved, To strive every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.
  • Resolved, Never to say any thing at all against any body, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said any thing against any one, to bring it to, and try it strictly by, the test of this Resolution.
  • Resolved, To be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that, in Proverbs 20:6. ‘A faithful man, who can find?’ may not be partly fulfilled in me.
  • Resolved, In do always what I can towards making, maintaining, and preserving peace, when it can be done without an overbalancing detriment in other respects. December 26, 1722.
  • Resolved, In narrations, never to speak any thing but the pure and simple verity.
  • Resolved, Whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question wee resolved. December 18,1 722.
  • Resolved, Never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call to it. December 19, 1722.
  • Resolved, To inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent, — what sin I have committed, — and wherein I have denied myself; — also, at the end of every week, month, and year. December 22 and 26, 1722.
  • Resolved, Never to utter any thing that is sportive, or matter of laughter, on a Lord’s day. Sabbath evening, December 23,1722.
  • Resolved, Never to do any thing, of which I so much question the lawfulness, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or not; unless I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.
  • Resolved, To inquire every night before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. January 7, 1723.
  • Resolved, To ask myself, at the end of every day, week, month, and year, wherein I could possibly, in any respect, have done better. January 11, 1723.
  • Resolved, Frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism, which I solemnly renewed when I was received into the communion Or the church, and which I have solemnly re-made this 12th day of January, 1723.
  • Resolved, Never, henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God’s; agreeably to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12th. January 12, 1723.
  • Resolved, That no other end but religion shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. January 12, 1723.
  • Resolved, Never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. January 12 and 13, 1723.
  • Resolved, Never to allow the least measure of any fretting or uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved, to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eye; and to be especially careful of it with respect to any of our family.
  • Resolved, To endeavor, to my utmost, to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented and easy, compassionate and generous, humble and meek, submissive and obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable and even, patient, moderate, forgiving, and sincere, temper; and to do, at all times, what such a temper would lead me to; and to examine strictly, at the end of every week, whether I have so done. Sabbath morning, May 5, 1723.
  • Resolved, Constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that 1 may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or not; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.
  • Resolved, That this never shall be, if I can help it.
  • Resolved, That I will act so, as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.
  • Resolved, That I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.
  • I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, That I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.
  • Resolved, To improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.
  • Resolved, Whenever I hear anything spoken in commendation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, that I will endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.
  • Resolved, To endeavor, to my utmost, so to act, as I can think I should do, if I had already seen the happiness of heaven and hell torments. July 8, 1723.
  • Resolved, Never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.
  • Resolved, When 1 fear misfortunes and adversity, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it, and let the event be just as Providence orders it. I will, as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty and my sin. June 9, and July 13, 1723.
  • Resolved, Not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness, and benignity. May 27, and July 13, 1723.
  • Resolved, When I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as world be imprudent at other times. May 12, July 11, and July 13.
  • Resolved, Whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4 and 13, 1723.
  • Resolved, That I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it — that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.
  • Resolved, Never to do any thing but my duty, and then, according to Ephesians 6 6-8. to do it willingly and cheerfully, as unto the Lord, and not to man: knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord. June 25, and July 13, 1723.
  • On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, To act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. January14, and July 13, 1723.
  • Resolved, When I find these “groanings which cannot be uttered,” of which the apostle speaks, and those “ breathings of soul for the longing it hash,” of which the psalmist speaks, <19B920>Psalm 119:20. that I will promote them to the utmost of my power; and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
  • Resolved, Very much to exercise myself in this, all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness of which I am capable, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him, all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance, according to Dr. Manton’s Sermon on the 119th Psalm. July 26, and August10, 1723.
  • Resolved, That I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking, in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.
  • Resolved, After afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them; what good I have got by them; and, what l might have got by them. Resolved, To confess frankly to myself, all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.
  • Resolved, Always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. August 11, 1723.
  • Let there be something of benevolence in all that I speak. August 17, 1723.”

Christianity’s Image Problem

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image

This morning I read an article entitled Christianity’s Image Problem which prompted some thoughts.

Because we live out the Christian life imperfectly, we give non-believers plenty of opportunities to criticize our hypocrisy. Matt Appling, the author of the article, brings this out in his post. Christianity has an image problem because of Christians. This is true, but I would add that even if we were to live out the Christian life perfectly, we’d still have an image problem. We would have this problem because Jesus, the focus of Christianity, had an image problem.

Jesus has an image problem because He claimed to be God and he confronted self-reliance and willful sin wherever he found it.

Did you ever notice that the only ones in the gospels who seem to be comfortable around Jesus are the hookers, tax thugs, destitute, sick and homeless? The ones that loved to be around Jesus were the ones that came from a starting point of brokenness and need. All the needy people loved and followed Jesus because he met them in their need. All the respectable, clean living, self-sufficient, moral people seem to have had an aversion to him.

Jesus’ PR problem is primarily because he is Holy God confronting a sinful world. If you are unwilling to admit that you have a sin problem then you will not like being around Jesus. If you are unwilling to admit that God has the right to delineate moral from immoral behavior, then you will not like being around Jesus. If you are unwilling to acknowledge the existence of God or the propriety of worshipping God, then you will not like being around Jesus.

Jesus has a PR problem because his nature does not line up with our desire for a genie-in-a-bottle God. We want a God who gives us what we want, when we want it and does not make any moral demands in return. Jesus is not, nor ever will be this type of God.

Jesus polarizes humanity. He demands an all-in response. Those that are unwilling to go all-in fall into two camps. The first are those who are confused by him and brush off religion as a waste of time. The second camp contains those who are angry that Jesus would demand such a choice. Apathy or anger are the two choices, neither group will score Jesus highly in the polls.

This is the core of Christianity’s image problem. We are seeking to emulate one who would not change who he is and what he came to do in order to be more popular.

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