Attempts at Honesty

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Farewell to a neighbor: Four lessons I learn from his death

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Gravestone
Used by permission of freefoto.com

He was my neighbor. On Friday he was found in his home, the victim of an apparent heart attack. He had been dead for quite some time but no-one knew. His death was entirely unexpected.

I would like to say that he was a good neighbor. I would like to say that he was pleasant and friendly. I would like to say that he had a kind word for anyone and everyone. I would like to say all of these things but none of them were true. He was not a nice man and he terrorized the neighborhood with threats and misinformation.

I am relieved to have to no longer deal with my neighbor’s nonsense. But I find that the initial sense of relief is giving way to a sadness that is of an intensity that is surprising to me.

I will admit that I prayed many times that my neighbor would either move away or be healed. Certainly I did not enjoy the status quo, not knowing if he would become violent or carry through on one of his threats. I also did not enjoy the fact that he took a particular dislike to me. I would have been happy to find that my neighbor moved away. But I was not happy about getting the news of his death.

The way it ended was not something that I wished for him. Ezekiel 18:23 declares “Do I have any pleasure in the death of the wicked,” declares the Lord God, “rather than that he should turn from his ways and live? This story could have had a much nicer ending.

In the end, my neighbor chose a path that left him alone with no-one to comfort or care for him. He died friendless because of poor choices throughout his life. He was like the proverbial dog that bit the hand of the one who fed him, reaping the consequences of his actions. Over the years people had reached out and tried to help my neighbor but some combination of pride, delusion and anger prevented him from receiving that help.

Could something have been done to help this man? Should the state have stepped in long ago when his behavior started being erratic and antisocial? If current child protection laws were in effect in the 50’s and 60’s could the abuse that my neighbor suffered at the hands of his father have been avoided? If so, would the outcome have been different?

These questions are unanswerable; any answers would be speculative at best. But they highlight one source of my sadness. My neighbor’s life did not have to be what it was. He was the victim of poor choices, some his own and some the choices of his own father. A life not lived well contributes to my sadness.

As a Christian I also understand that there are eternal consequences to the choice that we make in life. Part of my neighbor’s rejection of the people around him was tied up in his rejection of God.

I mentioned above his particular dislike for me. Prior to our purchase of our house, it was a rental property. One of the tenants while it was a rental was the pastor of a local church. His name was also Mark and he also shaved his head. In his delusion, my neighbor would sometime get me confused with that pastor and would express his hatred toward God and the church.

In Matthew 7:23, Jesus warns that a relationship with Jesus is the requirement for entrance into Heaven. I do not presume to know if my neighbor ever entered into that relationship, but there was no evidence that he had. This also contributes to my sadness and forms the bigger portion of it.

All this reminds me of four things:

  1. As C. S. Lewis pointed out, statistics prove that one out of one of us dies. We all must face that ultimate transition and how we end up is a summation of our choices, both small and large. We should, moment-by-moment, choose well.
  2. I am reminded that it is all about relationship. In the end there is one relationship that matters and that is the one with Jesus Christ. The first great command is to love God with our entire being.
  3. The second command is to love our neighbor. It seems to me that one who seeks to live out the two great commands will not die friendless. I am reminded that people matter more than accomplishment or things.
  4. I am reminded that we fathers have a huge responsibility. We must follow the medical code of “first do no harm” and above that seek to do good for our children.

A lesson learned from angry atheists

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AngryRecently I had a chance to interact with some atheists in response to a post I had written for Bravefaith.org. While I did not intend it this way, some of what I had written came off as “insulting and hate inducing” according to one of the commenters. I did not do a good job of understanding their point of view before writing the post. The comments helped me better understand why they are angry.

In response to angry atheists we are tempted to sit back and smugly quote what the Apostle Paul says (1 Corinthians 2:14) about the natural man not understanding the things of God. Yet, the truth of this verse does not relieve us of the responsibility to reach out to those who are angry with us and with God to seek to understand the anger and engage it in a loving manner. We must resist the temptation to lob truth missiles over the wall hoping that they hit the target.

One lesson I learned from my interaction at Bravefaith is that the organized church has much to answer for and some of the anger of the atheist is justified. If we are going to reach out to those who have been alienated from religion, we need to own up to the failings of ourselves and our churches. While we cannot resolve all of the anger, we can resolve the part that is caused by our inappropriate behavior. We can confess and ask forgiveness where we have given offense.

In Matthew 5:23, Jesus tells us that if we are on the way to worship and remember that our brother has something against us, that we should make it right before attempting to worship. It may be that the way we interact (or don’t interact) with our community is affecting the way we worship. Our offering of worship may be neglected by God because we have not sought to be reconciled to our neighbor.

AngryPerhaps if we have more of a spirit of repentance and mourning and less of an attitude of moral rectitude we might be in a better position to speak into the lives of those with whom we disagree. I believe that a better awareness of, and honesty about, our own failings, doubts and stupidity would put us in a better position to speak the truth in love.

This does not mean that we cannot offer correction when it is appropriate and needed. We need to engage faulty reasoning in a loving, reasonable manner. For example the claims of atheists that Hitler was a Christian are preposterous and need to be addressed.

No matter how lovingly we present truth, some will be offended by the Gospel. Some will reject the gospel because they refuse to submit to God. Some will refuse to give up their sinful lifestyle. Some will seek to stand firm in their own perceived goodness. But let us be sure that it is the Gospel that is the offense and not the manner in which we present it.

One of the complaints that I’ve heard is that too often Christians try to jam the gospel down someone’s throat. Yes, we have the responsibility to present the gospel, but I cannot find any instance where Jesus forced truth on someone who was not prepared to hear it. A wise lady once told me that Jesus is a gentleman; he does not force himself on anyone.

We cannot lose sight of the fact that those angry atheists are people for whom Christ died. We are no better; they are no worse. Before we respond to the anger, we should listen to understand its source. It is my hope that by listening and understanding we can then speak truth into the situation in a loving way.

You are the salt of the earth

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#13 in the Sermon on the Mount series

Matthew 5:13 – “You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men. (NASB)

The Quality of the Salt

To understand what Jesus is saying here, it is important to think about the three effects that salt has:

  1. Salt makes a person thirsty
  2. Adds flavor
  3. Works as a preservative; it fights decay.

Salt Shaker

The quality of the salt is measured by how many impurities it contains. To be useful, the salt must remain pure. At some point when there are more impurities than salt, the salt becomes plain old dirt. To function as salt in society, we need to be men and women of integrity to provide benefit to the people around us.

Creating Thirst

We are to live our lives in a way that makes people thirsty for what we have. 1 Peter 3:15 tells us that we should always be ready to give an answer to those who ask us about our hope. On the basis of how we live, we gain credibility for our claims about a relationship with Jesus. This does imply that we are living in such a way that people notice.

Adding Flavor

We are not called to be boring, insipid do-nothings. We are called to abundant life (John 10:10). Parts of the church have become known more for what they don’t do than what they do. Granted, there are activities that are inappropriate for Christians and we need to have clear boundaries around these things. But we have the freedom to do so much and there are so many legitimate ways to enjoy the creation that God has given us. Our faith should enhance the enjoyment of life rather than detract from it.

Being a Preservative

By living rightly before God, we can function as a preservative in the society around us. Consider for a moment the impact that William Wilberforce had on society by leading the way toward the end of slavery. Society was enhanced and preserved by Mr. Wilberforce’s actions even if the society at large may not understand or relate to the motivation behind the actions. We can and should have an impact for the good of the society at large.

Two More Observations

First, for Salt to be accomplishing all of these things, it must come out of the shaker, box or bowl in which it is stored. You can read more about this idea in Rebecca Manly Pippert’s book entitled Out of the Salt Shaker.

To be effective, salt must be dissolved in or sprinkled on top of the food. It does nothing unless it is comingled with the dish it is to season. In other words salt must become part of the environment to do its job. It can’t stay bottled up. In the same way, we Christians can’t just wall ourselves into the church and hope that people come to us. We need to be out living as part of the community.

The other thing to keep in mind about salt is that salt flavors the meal, it is not the meal itself. Too often, we Christians get so caught up in the organization and activities of church that it is possible to lose sight of our main purpose. The focus should never be on the salt; the focus should never be on the church, it should be on Jesus Christ. The church organization is a tool to bring people to Christ. The organization is a means, not an end.

If we keep our mission in mind and strive to be obedient to God in our thoughts, words and actions, we can be used by God to make people thirsty for Jesus, enhance the beauty of the world around us and improve our society.

Remember the real enemy – it may not be who you think

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EnemyThere is no perfect church. Every church is populated with people who struggle with pride and selfishness just like you and I do. Every church has leaders who struggle with pride and selfishness. As a result, conflict is inevitable. It’s going to happen. In James 4:1-3 we see that such conflict was an issue in the First Century church.

When conflict happens, we should keep in mind who the real enemy is. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us that our real enemy is the devil who prowls around looking for those he can devour. Unfortunately we, as church members, sometimes aid him in his devouring. We, knowingly or unknowingly, participate in behavior that creates conflict.

It is important to keep in mind that the church member or church leader who creates the conflict is not the enemy. The real enemy is far more nefarious (this word just sounds creepy) and subtle. The real enemy wants you to think that your brother or sister in Christ is the enemy so that he can continue his work of destruction undetected.

If we keep in mind the real enemy, it should make it easier to forgive the one with whom we’ve had the conflict and work toward reconciliation. Even if the conflict cannot be reconciled, forgiveness takes the conflict off your plate and frees you up to move forward without being bogged down.

Keep the ultimate source of the conflict in mind, deal with your part of it before the Cross, forgive and move forward. The concept is easy to understand, but is so difficult to do.

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